All couples argue and it’s ok to have a breakdown in communication, but the question is do you have the tools and skills to repair it? Problems arise when there has been such a breakdown in communication that repair seems impossible. When a couple have been together for months or years, they develop deeply ingrained and ongoing patterns of behaving with one another that can be hard to modify without external intervention and support.
My approach over the years with working with couples is 2-fold:
1. They learn skills and tools to manage conflict and to share and listen to each other in an empathic and non-judgemental way.
2. It changes an individual’s negative internal patterns of thinking and behaving that have been developed from the past, as a result of past attachment trauma and which now affects their adult relationships.
The results are:
• Genuine and authentic communication in a safe, trusting and healing environment
• Emotional attunement to one another’s messages : a sense of ‘feeling felt’ and understood
• Encourages empathy, warmth and genuineness
• Developing personal accountability
• Supports healthy confrontation and conflict management
• Interrupts highly negative patterns of behaviour and increases positive patterns of interacting through rewiring the brain.